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A New Same-Old Woman
moon
morrisarian
I am in love with a wonderful man. Woo hoo! I am now, as an articulate friend put it, a post-Darcy Bridget Jones. Still as hopelessly clumsy, silly, blundering as ever, but happier to be so, and more successful in spite of it, with a loving partner to boost my confidence. There is also a smug realisation there, when my love for my partner shows for certain that I had never been in love before. Not really. This is a great thing because it hands me back a certain bit of power which I thought I had lost long ago, when cruel, callous ex-boyfriends unceremoniously dumped me in a variety of condescending, belittling fashions, feeling safe in the knowledge that I loved them unconditionally, but they as superior beings had tired of me and did not love me back. Ha scumbags! I now know that these keepers of darkness meant less than nothing. To quote Jack Black if I may, they were simply "a funny little footnote on my epic ass."

In fact, I can quote one better, as my past 'affairs' remind me more poignantly of a beloved childhood film, and the little poem that always felt so special;

"Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered,
I have fought my way to the castle
Beyond the Goblin City;
To take back the child that you have stolen.

For my will is as strong as yours;
And my kingdom is as great!
You have no power over me."

For years I had felt inferior to most, and it was primarily because of men who had hurt me. However, I have grown so much in the past couple of years, and have all but outgrown the seeds of my previous depression. I have not so much changed, but recaptured, celebrated and worked on bringing to the fore, the true me that has been there all along. I feel alive! It's not just because of my bloke though. It's through being able to laugh at the ridiculous dramatics of the past year, through which I have gained my full strength, learned about the world and myself, and shed some unneccessary 'baggages' (usually in the form of people) who were dragging me down with them.

I have still some way to go, I have a career to conquer and a family to begin (God permitting), and those things will not happen successfully until I learn to fully stick up for myself. I feel opportunities to do just that will arise in the coming year, and I pray I have the strength to do what I must do. My prayers tend to work pretty good though...

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